Written by, Celeste Bowen, RN, BSN
If your childhood memories do not include radios that broadcast from a box or TV’s that only produced pictures in black, white or some varied shade of gray, your consciousness likely bloomed in an era after Walter Cronkite was an evening ritual. The members of that pivotal generation not only lived a different lifestyle but experienced it with eyes and ears tuned to an entirely different way of thinking.
So, here we all are-multi-generations crowded together in a 21st century pressure-cooker–with as many diverse value systems and cultural norms as there are choices for toppings on a pizza. Today’s reigning generation is one most at home with change; our residences, careers and relationships are frequently re-thought and re-invented without undue angst. Some might even view “satisfaction” as a dysfunctional trait. But, our parents-those that Walter brought the news to each night-kept the same home, job and significant others for decades; examining that life or one’s comfort level in it was not on the acceptable list of options.
As the sons and daughters of “now” take on the care of elderly parents, communication can become a frustrating and less-than-productive engagement. It’s classic “apples” and “oranges”; the offer of a shiny, tasty ‘apple’ of change is politely, but determinedly declined, even though the ‘orange’ (choices about where to live or how independently, for example) is well past a point of viability.
To understand the psyche of a Pre-Baby boomer, you must understand their values. It’s essential to fully absorb these values if you want to be of assistance to them.
Loyalty
Stability is established through loyalty, and loyalty avoids asking too many questions. When your 75-year-old mother wants to keep seeing the physician who has treated her for 40 years, (even though that physician is now approaching 90) it is because she is loyal. Her health is actually secondary to her integrity in that. Acknowledge that character trait and proceed with any necessary change in a way that will not damage her sense of self or her physician’s feelings.
Home Is Where The Heart Is
“A man’s home is his castle” is a mantra well known by a post World War II family. To these men and women their home is a living, evolving part of the core family; it is identified as the most tangible talisman of success, even virility. Leaving it because it’s too big or physically demanding to maintain would be similar to leaving your job or abandoning your marriage.
Dignity
Pre-Baby boomers don’t quit things; quitting is an unacceptable response that signals the end of the Stable–the Controlled–and very tied to Dignity. When we try to convince 80-year-old Dad that having less to do is a desirable state, we might as well be singing the praises of Death. Death to Dignity is more feared than the Grim Reaper himself. Remember, change must navigate around the pillars of character in this generation; so much else in their world has become unrecognizable.
Selflessness
Baby boomers are probably the first generation to embrace a sense of Self. Our latent guilt demanded we temper that with at least a small dollop of altruism, but never forget that the Generation of Change was the original Generation of Moi. Our parents, on the other hand, were raised to value Selflessness; nothing has more sting to it than needing someone to do something for you.
How do we offer them back their legacy of giving without corrupting the spirit that taught it to us? Frame it in selflessness itself. It may help our aging population to know that receiving is how to assist a younger generation to practice giving. They serve by being served!
Time will tell if crossing the Generation Gap ever becomes a journey that doesn’t require an itinerary first. Socrates thousands of years ago had misgivings about the ‘youth of today’, so Change is likely the real Stability. If Loyalty, Dignity and Selflessness are the mark of a generation inspired by Walter Cronkite, then maybe Walter really had something there. I think we Baby boomers could learn a few things still.
Tags: caregiving, communication, seniors
