Bathing is an intimate activity which can cause difficulty for many caregivers and their loved ones as in this case example. A woman who has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease becomes agitated and starts to strike at her husband when he tries to help her take a shower. The husband is ashamed and saddened that his wife has become abusive. During fifty years of marriage their relationship has had few sharp words and physical violence has never been present. The husband hesitates to tell his wife’s doctor, believing he is somehow at fault.
When their daughter comes for a short visit, the husband confides in her and she volunteers to assist with her mother’s shower. The daughter’s experience with assisting her mother is pleasant and no physical aggression occurs. Why the difference?
When someone suffers from injured memory, it cannot always be determined why one person’s approach works better than another. It’s possible that the mother is embarrassed that a man who she does not always recognize as her husband is bathing her. Perhaps being bathed by her daughter reminds her of when she was a child being bathed by her own mother. The husband may feel embarrassed about providing this type of intimate care and his wife may sense his discomfort and because she does not understand it, she reacts with aggression.
Being able to step back from a situation and simply try another approach without placing blame or judgment can lead to a different result. In this case the husband’s courageous act of confiding in his daughter and the daughter’s non-judgmental reaction leads to a better caregiving experience. Before the daughter returns to her home which is out-of-state she contacts an agency that provides personal care services and agrees to send a female certified nursing assistant two times weekly to assist with bathing. Since this service is not covered by Medicare or other health insurances that her parents have, the daughter describes the costs and her father agrees he is able to afford it. The burden of bathing is lifted from the husband and he and his wife are able to enjoy walking and other activities without conflict.
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This article was written by our guest writer, Ruth E. Price. Ruth E. Price has abundant experience working in nursing homes, coordinating hospital-sponsored caregiver wellness programs since 1996. And in 1987 she advised Congress on nursing home reform laws which was passed in December of that year. Influenced by her great-grandmother’s plight, she has spent much of her career helping others provide excellent caregiving.
She shares more of her wisdom at caregiverwellness.org and rutheprice.com
Tags: assisted living, caregiving, dementia, Healthcare, mental health, seniors
